I’m a 16-year-old guy. My mom had me when she was only 15, and I’ve never known my biological father. She didn’t drop out of school, though. About a year after I was born, she started dating Jack. When they both went off to university, I stayed behind with my grandparents. Eventually, my mom and Jack graduated, got married, and moved to a city near Vancouver.
Even though I didn’t live with her, my mom was always a huge part of my life. She came to visit almost every weekend just to spend time with me. She would cuddle with me, call me cute nicknames, and her favorite was always "my special guy." She constantly brought me little gifts, played games with me, paid for tutoring and extracurricular activities, and made every effort to come to my sports games. Jack didn’t always come with her, but whenever he did we had a great time together. He took me fishing several times, and we even went on a two-week camping trip together. I hated camping so much that we both agreed never to do it again.
Everything started changing when I was ten years old and my mom and Jack had my little sister. Then, three years ago, they welcomed another daughter into the family.
I barely know my sisters because after they were born, my mom slowly stopped coming to visit as often. We don’t cuddle anymore. The only recent exception was on my birthday. Most of the nicknames disappeared too, although every once in a while she still calls me "special guy." It honestly feels like all of the affection and attention I used to receive gradually shifted toward my younger sisters.
She doesn’t really bring me little gifts anymore, and what hurts the most is that she stopped coming to my sports games.
For a long time, I tried convincing myself that everything would eventually work out because I knew they still had a spare bedroom in their house. I always assumed that once I started university, I’d be able to move in with them and finally spend more time together as a family.
Yesterday my mom FaceTimed me with exciting news.
She told me she was pregnant again.
This time it’s a boy.
She smiled and joked that now she was going to have "two special guys."
The moment she said that, I guess my face changed because she immediately asked me what was wrong.
For the first time, I told her how I had honestly been feeling for years.
I admitted that I was jealous of my half-sisters because they got so much of her time, attention, and affection. Now another baby was on the way, and I was terrified that he would receive everything too. I also confessed that I’d started worrying there might not even be space for me anymore when it came time to move away for university.
I told her I wasn't angry with her—I was just hurt. Keeping those feelings bottled up for years had become incredibly difficult, and I honestly didn't know how else to explain why I felt so distant from the family lately. One of my teachers had previously mentioned that carrying around unresolved feelings for a long time can take a real toll on a person's mental well-being, and that talking honestly with the people you love is often healthier than pretending everything is fine. I wasn't trying to make my mom feel guilty. I was simply trying to explain how lonely and forgotten I'd been feeling.
What I said completely broke her.
She started crying uncontrollably and eventually had to end the FaceTime call because she couldn't continue the conversation.
Since then, my grandparents have been upset with me. They think I made my mom feel horrible and that what I said makes it sound like I don't appreciate everything they've done for me over the years.
Jack also called me afterward.
He told me my mom is now questioning whether having another baby is the right decision because of what I said. He also seemed genuinely hurt that I believed they wouldn't make room for me if I needed somewhere to live while attending university.
Now I feel like I've completely ruined everything.
I've been sitting at school thinking about it nonstop, wondering whether I should have kept all of those feelings to myself instead of finally telling my mom the truth.
I never wanted to make her cry.
I just wanted her to understand how much I've missed having my mom.
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