I am a stay-at-home parent, and for the first time in years, all of my children are finally in school. After dedicating so much of my life to raising them, I finally have time to enjoy my hobbies, learn new skills, and focus on things I've put aside for years.
During Thanksgiving, I overheard some family members talking about their upcoming baby. Someone asked what they planned to do for childcare, and, completely without my knowledge, they casually answered that I would be watching the baby.
No one had ever asked me.
When I looked at them, they just smiled as if it were an honor they were giving me instead of a huge responsibility.
I didn't want to create a scene during Thanksgiving dinner, so I stayed quiet and simply gave them a look.
To be clear, I have absolutely no interest in providing full-time childcare.
I'm happy to help occasionally or in an emergency, but I do not want to watch a newborn every single day.
Edit:
I was always planning to have a private conversation with them because that's exactly what I wish they had done with me.
I can absolutely stand up for myself.
I was simply caught completely off guard and honestly very angry. If I had responded at the dinner table, it probably wouldn't have come out politely.
For everyone asking, no, my husband didn't volunteer me.
It was my sibling.
Update:
After reading some responses, I realized many people were right.
They needed to know immediately so they could make proper childcare arrangements.
I called my sibling that night.
I calmly asked if he genuinely believed I was going to watch his baby every day.
He said yes because I'm home all the time.
I asked why he never asked me first.
He said he didn't think he needed to.
That really upset me.
I explained that I have my own responsibilities and plans. If there were an emergency, I would absolutely help, but I would not become their full-time childcare.
He became frustrated and said they had planned around me doing it and now had no idea how they would afford daycare.
The baby was planned, which made that even harder to understand.
He also explained that after work he spends two hours at the gym every day and now wouldn't have time because of childcare. He felt that missing those workouts would negatively affect his mental health.
Their work schedule is from 7:30 a.m. until 4:00 p.m., followed by two hours at the gym.
That would leave me caring for their newborn for roughly ten hours every day.
I finally asked him,
"So you're having a baby expecting me to raise your child so your daily routine doesn't have to change? You expect me to give up the free time I've finally earned, but you're unwilling to give up your workouts?"
We've talked many times about how happy I am now that I finally have time for myself.
He replied that a child is more important than my hobbies.
That was the point where I completely lost my patience.
I told him,
"My children were my responsibility because I chose to have them. Your child is your responsibility, and your child should come before the gym. It's not your place to decide how I spend my time. If working out is important, you can always exercise at home."
I apologized for how emotional the conversation became and ended the call.
Things will probably be awkward for a while, but at least they know now and have time to make proper childcare arrangements.
AITA?
Unexpected childcare expectations can create difficult family conflicts, especially when assumptions replace honest communication. Parenting responsibilities, childcare planning, family boundaries, and financial decisions work best when expectations are discussed openly before commitments are made rather than assumed afterward.
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