AITA for Telling My Wife That Her Overpacking Makes Every Trip Miserable?
So my wife (38F) and I (36M) have been together for eight years. We live in my home state of Arkansas, while she's originally from San Diego.
Every year she wants to visit home. We used to fly, but since our daughter (2F) was born she prefers driving instead.
I don't mind using my vacation time for these trips because I understand she misses home.
The problem is traveling with her has become incredibly stressful because she consistently overpacks.
Years ago she completely filled my Mazda CX-7. Eventually my employer gave me a $900 monthly vehicle allowance, so we upgraded to a full-size Chevrolet Suburban.
Now she fills that too.
I'm not exaggerating.
The cargo area is packed to capacity, the front passenger seat is stacked to the ceiling, and sometimes I can't even safely use my side mirrors because of everything piled inside.
The frustrating part is that we barely use most of what she packs.
Every stop along the way I end up carrying everything into the hotel because she's worried something might get stolen if we leave it in the vehicle.
The drive takes three days each way.
On top of that, she's consistently late.
If I tell her we're leaving at 10:00 a.m., we're lucky if we leave by noon.
Every travel day starts late, and then she wants to keep driving until midnight to make up for lost time, which makes the trip exhausting.
After our last vacation, I finally told her that the overpacking and constant delays make traveling miserable for me.
This weekend I had a work conference.
My company booked me into a really nice resort for five days, and I was genuinely excited.
Originally, my mom was going to watch our daughter so my wife and I could both enjoy the trip together.
The day before we left, my wife canceled those plans and decided our daughter was coming with us instead.
Then she filled the Suburban completely full again.
This wasn't even a family vacation.
It was my work conference.
She packed multiple totes filled with blankets, another full tote of towels, and two entire totes of clothes just for herself.
Most of it was never used.
I finally told her that all the overpacking makes every trip miserable because the hotel room always becomes cluttered, packing up takes forever, and the last night of every trip turns into hours of reorganizing items that never even left the bags.
She completely lost it.
She accused me of only wanting to attend conferences alone so I could have an affair, even though I had invited her to come with me.
She then said she wanted a divorce simply because I told her that constantly overpacking, filling every vehicle to the roof, and always being late makes traveling miserable.
Because we left nearly three hours late, I missed the networking reception on opening night.
In my industry, those first-night events are where many of the most valuable professional relationships begin.
I also missed several vendor events because she insisted I stay behind while she tried to reorganize the hotel room that had become overwhelmed with all the extra belongings she brought.
Additional Information
I am an active parent and had already packed everything our daughter needed to stay with my mom before those plans changed.
My wife has ADHD.
Before every trip she says she won't overpack, but every trip ends the same way.
I have never been unfaithful. She accused me of it after my previous solo work trip as well.
My boss wasn't angry that I arrived late, but I still felt I had missed important professional opportunities.
I've tried packing for both of us in the past, but the amount of luggage has continued to increase over the years.
One of my biggest concerns is safety. The vehicle becomes so full that it blocks visibility through my side mirrors, and despite explaining that concern, she insists I'm overreacting.
She also grew up in a household where hoarding behaviors were common.
AITA?
Healthy communication, shared parenting responsibilities, and realistic travel planning are essential for reducing stress during family and business trips. Balancing work commitments, relationship expectations, household organization, and personal well-being often requires cooperation, compromise, and respect for each other's time and responsibilities.
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