My girlfriend (18) and I recently had a serious conversation about the idea of opening our relationship.
At first, it was actually a calm and respectful discussion.
We talked about the possible benefits, the downsides, how it might affect our future, and even practical concerns like what would happen if she became pregnant or if I got someone else pregnant.
The conversation felt surprisingly mature.
At least...
At first.
Then it took a completely different direction.
She told me she wouldn't want a fully open relationship.
Instead, she said she'd only want each of us to be allowed to see one other person.
The moment she said that, something immediately felt off.
It sounded far too specific.
I couldn't shake the feeling that she already had someone in mind.
So I asked.
Reluctantly...
She admitted that she did.
She also admitted that simply thinking about this person was what had made her start considering an open relationship in the first place.
When I asked who it was...
She refused to answer.
She completely shut down the conversation.
We went to bed that night feeling distant from each other.
The following morning she asked if we could continue talking.
I agreed.
The very first thing I brought up was the question she'd avoided the night before.
I asked again who she wanted to see.
At first she told me it wasn't any of my business.
I didn't argue.
I didn't pressure her.
I just sat there quietly.
Five or ten minutes later...
She changed her mind.
She looked at me and admitted it.
The person she wanted to see was...
Her ex-boyfriend.
I asked her one simple question.
"Is the only reason you suggested opening our relationship because you wanted permission to be with him?"
She hesitated.
Then she admitted something I never expected to hear.
She said she was tired of pretending...
Because she'd already been seeing him.
For a few seconds I honestly couldn't process what she had just said. All I could think about was how different the conversation would have been if she had simply told me from the beginning that she was unhappy instead of trying to redefine the relationship after already crossing a boundary. We had even talked the night before about pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, honesty, and trust because any relationship involving multiple partners requires clear consent and communication from everyone involved. Realizing she'd already been involved with someone else without my knowledge made those conversations suddenly feel meaningless.
At that point...
I told her to leave.
I didn't yell.
I didn't insult her.
I simply told her the relationship was over and that I wanted her to go.
Now she's furious with me.
My mom says I absolutely made the right decision.
Part of me agrees with her.
But another part of me keeps wondering whether I should have stayed calmer, talked through everything, and tried to understand why she did it...
Instead of ending the relationship the moment I found out.
I honestly don't know anymore.
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