I'm 25 and pregnant with twins after almost a decade with my partner; he left me early in the pregnancy for a woman named Amy, and now the two of them expect to be involved as if they're a stable couple.
I'm 25f, the babies' father is 26m, and we were together for nearly ten years. About 11 weeks into my pregnancy he told me he had feelings for Amy (24f), who had been involved with one of his friends, and soon after they became a couple. I made it clear I wouldn't stay in the relationship while he pursued another person, and I refused to reconcile even when he later said he regretted it.
We had a long relationship that started off well, but the core friction began when he developed feelings for Amy shortly into my pregnancy. Since the breakup they've been on and off, yet they present themselves as a united front and have been asking to be included in baby plans — from names and shopping to a joint shower and presence at the birth.
"I wasn't going to stay while he had any kind of affair be it emotional or physical with her any longer."
Their requests escalated: they expected equal decision-making, suggested Amy could be a "mama" to the babies, and asked that both of them visit together at my home when visitation starts. I asked for one meeting to lay out boundaries, wrote down all of their expectations, and told them those demands were unreasonable given how unstable their relationship is.
"If my ex wants to be present at the birth I'm okay with that... but I won't be taking her advice on baby names."
I left the meeting when it stopped being calm. I reiterated that I'm not blocking him from being an involved dad, but I won't treat Amy as a second mother or allow them to outvote me on parenting decisions. He's emailed since, saying I'm making things harder and urging me to cooperate; I've held firm on my boundaries and on the fact that we will never be a couple again.
🏠 The Aftermath
As it stands, my ex and Amy are on and off while I remain pregnant and maintaining clear boundaries: he can be present at the birth, but Amy will not be treated as a parent in my home or as a decision-maker for the babies.
He is with Amy intermittently; I am keeping communication documented via text and email; visitation rules (including overnights) follow state guidelines and I expect overnights won't start until months after the babies are born.
Practically, I will make primary decisions about names, routines, and who enters my home; he can visit and build a relationship if he chooses, but reconciling with him is off the table and I won't allow Amy to move into a parental role while their relationship remains unstable.
They're asking for co-parenting perks while still treating this like a romantic experiment — and I'm not signing my children up for that test.
I'm hurt and protective, not triumphant. It feels odd that the people who broke my family now expect to be treated as equal partners in raising the children, but I'm staying composed and focused on what I think is safest for the twins.
💭 Emotional Reflection
This is a situation with no neat villain: my ex's feelings and regret are real to him, but they don't erase the betrayal I felt. My insistence on boundaries stems from a need for stability for my babies and for protecting my home and decision-making as the parent carrying them.
On the other hand, some will argue that cooperation between all adults is best for children, and I hear that — but cooperation requires trust and reliability, and that hasn't been demonstrated by an on-and-off relationship that began during my pregnancy.
Reasonable people can disagree because the stakes are high and emotions are raw: protecting your family can look like refusing input to others, while making room for another adult can look like forgiveness. My choice is rooted in what I feel my twins need most right now: consistency and clear boundaries.
Here are a few likely community reactions to this arrangement:
NTA — you set necessary boundaries for the babies' stability; allowing a fling's partner to be "mama" when they're unstable is risky.
Maybe compromise more for the kids — let him be involved and consider neutral ground for visits, but clearly protect your home and decision-making.
Don't be pressured into normalizing their relationship just because they want it; you don't owe Amy a parental title, especially this soon.
Reactions split between protecting the children's stability and prioritizing cooperative co-parenting; key themes are trust, timing, and who gets decision-making power.
🌱 Final Thoughts
You're allowed to put your babies' need for stability first and to set limits on who has influence in their early life. Boundaries aren't cruelty when they're about safety and consistency.
This isn't just about forgiveness — it's about whether the people asking to be involved have shown they can be steady partners in parenting.
What do you think?
Would you have left, or stayed and kept trying to make it work? Share your thoughts below 👇
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