I moved in with my boyfriend because he promised he'd propose, but after more than two years there's been no ring and I finally decided to move out. Now I'm weighing dignity, finances, and whether a stalled promise is grounds to end things.
I'm 32F and my boyfriend Alan is 30M — we've been together five years and agreed early on that moving in together would only happen if he proposed. He said he'd propose before the end of that year, but over two years later there has been no proposal or ring.
We talked about marriage in year two, laid out deal breakers and expectations, and made the move when he reiterated his promise. Since then I've supported him through job loss and helped with bills and his family drama, often taking on extra work so we could stay afloat, while he has been vague about when or if he'll follow through.
"I feel like I'm begging" — I've asked about our engagement so many times that it feels humiliating to keep bringing it up.
Conversations about the engagement have stalled repeatedly: he postpones the topic, says wedding planning is exhausting, or snaps that a relationship is more than a wedding. When I asked directly if he'd changed his mind he stayed noncommittal. Tensions rose further when I discovered he put $1,500 toward his younger brother's 30th while I've been covering about 60% of our expenses and even had to buy my own birthday cake.
"I feel like a second class person in his life" — I can't reconcile him saying he loves me while eroding my trust.
After that I decided to move out. Our lease ends May 30 and I told him I'm leaving; I'm staying with a friend starting Monday and am prepared to pay my remaining share of rent. He asked for extensions and to talk to the landlord for a three-month extension, citing a joint custody requirement for his living situation, but I declined because I don't want more limbo or two more years of unmet promises.
🏠 The Aftermath
I'm leaving on Monday to stay with a friend and have told him I won't stay to be strung along; he looks upset and emotionally affected, but I need to protect my dignity.
I'm keeping my portion of the financial responsibility for the lease through the end date; he will need to find his own place and sort out custody logistics tied to his situation.
I've blocked his family, declined a three-month extension request, and avoided further interactions because every talk so far has ended in more uncertainty; emotionally I'm exhausted and feel betrayed that his spending priorities didn't include us or a ring.
"I can't keep waiting for a promise that never came."
I'm sad and angry at once — not gloating — just hurt that the person I supported through hard times didn't follow through on a basic commitment we both understood.
💭 Emotional Reflection
This feels like a mismatch of expectations and communication. She trusted his promise and took on extra burdens when he needed support; he either changed his mind or failed to communicate honestly, leaving her in limbo. That breakdown — not a single dramatic betrayal — is what dissolved trust.
There are real stakes here: emotional labor, financial contribution, and the timeline they set for their life together. When someone repeatedly avoids direct answers about shared plans, the relationship's foundation shifts from partnership to uncertainty.
Reasonable people might interpret this differently — some will stress patience and that "a ring isn't everything," while others will say a promise tied to moving in is contractual in spirit and deserves clarity. The core issue is respect and follow-through.
Here are likely community reactions to this situation:
You upheld your side of the agreement and covered most bills — leaving when he won't commit is understandable.
Promising to propose before moving in and then spending money elsewhere while avoiding the issue is a red flag for priorities and honesty.
Some will say relationships are more than weddings, but mutual expectations were explicit here — it's reasonable to expect clarity after repeated postponements.
Responses tend to split between validating the need for commitment and urging empathy for his hesitation, but most center on the core themes: unmet promises, communication failure, and unequal emotional/financial investment.
🌱 Final Thoughts
You gave clear terms, kept your word, and repeatedly asked for the same clarity in return — when that was denied you chose to prioritize your self-respect. Leaving protects your emotional and financial boundaries.
He wanted proximity without the commitment; you wanted certainty before sharing a home — that mismatch is what finally ended it.
What do you think?
Would you have left, or stayed and kept trying to make it work? Share your thoughts below 👇
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